- 12:13 am - Tue, Sep 16, 2014
- 1 note
Q: Hi, erm something has occurred to me recently that if something happens like someone's said something or lost something I get this sense of guilt even if I know nothing about it, and I know it's not my fault in the slightest? It's happens quite often but this weekend I've noticed it/recognised it? Is this normal, is the feeling guilt or something else? I don't expect you to be able to help I guess I'm just confused and need to vent this thought. - Ammie (1/2)
(2/2) Ammie here again. I dislike confrontation could that be why? I am trying to work out the cause but at the same time I just want to ignore the feeling because I know I haven’t done anything wrong nor do I feel like I’m hiding something. Thanks in advance x
What you’re feeling could certainly be guilt. I used to struggle with guilt a lot, even when it wasn’t a situation that involved me, and in times where I had nothing to feel guilty for. It’s a difficult feeling to let go of, but there are ways to work out why you may be feeling that way. I recently answered a question about dealing with guilt, and I hope you don’t mind if I talk about those same points here.
Firstly, with finding out what’s causing the guilt, it’s a good idea to explore that feeling as deep as you can. There are a few ways that can make it easier to explore the guilt, or make links to how you feel. The main ways that I’d recommend is journalling or drawing mind maps. Think about the guilt, and write down everything you feel or think when you’re focusing on that guilt. Letting it all out may help you to find those connections. Another idea is to talk to someone about the guilt. If you have someone you trust and can talk to, that could be a good idea, or there are Helplines and Web Counsellors that you can contact and talk these feelings through with. Sometimes talking to others options up ideas that we hadn’t though of before, which can lead to a better understanding. Once you know what’s causing you to feel guilty over these things, it’s easier to move forward.
The next step in overcoming guilt is asking yourself: should you feel guilty over that? Did you actually do anything wrong? From what you’ve said, it honestly sounds like you haven’t done anything wrong, nor anything to feel guilty over. What may help in this step is writing down reasons why you shouldn’t feel bad, and all the reasons why this is actually a positive. Having a list like that, and writing it all down, can really help to find ways to challenge that guilt.
Finally, the last step in recovering from guilt is realising that guilt does nothing but hold you back. To really go through with this step and understand it, you need to grasp the last two steps, and if that takes a bit of time, that’s okay. Setting yourself free from the guilt is the biggest step, but it can be done when you come to the realisation that this guilt is doing nothing productive for you.
I hope this helps you to explore that guilt and find ways to move through it. If it’s something that’s ongoing, it may be a good idea to reach out to your doctor and talk about these feelings, so that they can explore further options to help you through this.
- 12:06 am
Q: I feel really stressed about school and I can't handle all the work I have to do. I have to read 100 pages for history and take notes, do five assignments for math, take notes over 20 pages for psychology, and 2 assignments for physics. On top of all that, I play an instrument in my school band and have to focus on that too. I'm just too overwhelmed and can't handle everything. I feel sick about going to school but I can't miss it or I'll get even more behind. Please help :( -Overwhelmed Student
Hey Doll xo
I have one piece of advice for you, set goals! Goals Goals Goals!
I seriously can’t even emphasise it enough.
If you try to break everything down into smaller, more manageable goals then every things going to seem so much easier, I promise!
I’m not sure what your time table looks like or what kind of timeframe you’re working with but this is what I would do with that workload:
Monday Night: 20 pages of history, 1 maths assignment
Tuesday Night: 20 pages of history, 10 pages for psych
Wednesday Night: 20 pages of history, 1 maths assignment
Thursday Night: 20 pages of history, 10 pages for psych,
Friday Night: 20 pages of history, 1 maths assignment
Saturday: 1 Maths assignment, 1 physics assignment
Sunday: 1 Maths assignment, 1 physics assignment
Try to change things up so it’s not the same old same old every night and always remember to take breaks! Your brain is not designed to sit for hours and absorb information. I usually look at my workload for the night and say well this will take me 30 minutes so I’ll do that and then take a break and try to section it all out like that. A break can be as simple as getting up and getting a drink and having a chat with someone. Just give your brain a chance to breath and process all the stuff you’ve just given it to process.
It might be helpful to set yourself out a weekly planner to organise when you have band commitments and other things like that and I always schedule in my favourite TV shows and some down time where I have nothing planned because recreational time and down time are so so so important for your wellbeing.
The most important thing is to just take a breath and relax, everything is going to be fine, honey. I know it’s easy to feel overwhelmed but when you break it all down into smaller goals it will feel so much more achievable!
If you’d like some help trying to set yourself up a timetable or you’d like some more ideas to help organise your time then don’t hesitate to message me here on MHA or here on my personal blog xo
- 11:55 pm - Mon, Sep 15, 2014
Q: you guys work really hard and I appreciate what you're doing so much! I'd apply to be an admin, but I'm too young. you guys really make a difference though!!
Thank you for the love!! That means a lot to us :)
- 11:54 pm
Q: Thank you fort helping with my seventh diagnosis ask, Jori! I don't mind having diagnoses because I know what I'm experiencing is not just me being attention seeking or crazy. Its more the amount that I have that bugs me. I wish they could all be called one thing, you know?
No problem! Glad I could help! Ya I totally relate to that. I have 6 as well and it feels weird at times. Unfortinalty they can’t be called one thing. But like I said earlier, try not to dwell on the fact. The way I deal with it is knowing that I can help just that many more people with the personal experience I have. So try to turn what feels like a negative into a positive.
- 11:52 pm
Q: I wanted to say thank you for all the advice. I have had so much going on, but because of this blog and the support from my boyfriend have helped so much. He has been so understanding, and the admins have been so kind. Thank you all so much -Elly
Hi Elly! Thank you so much for the love. I am so glad we could help you!!
- 11:49 pm
Q: I recently came to the conclusion that I am bi or queer or pan or whatever. With this conclusion comes the realization that I probably like my best friend a bit more than an friend. Quite a bit more actually. She doesn't realize this, and I worry if I tell her she will freak out. Maybe shell think our cuddle sessions and tickle fights were more than that. And I really don't want her to. Also, I'm only 14 and we just started high school. Is this a bad time to tell her? It's eating away at me.Help
Hi there dear!
Congrats! Coming to accept your sexuality is awesome. And do not worry if you do not know your exact sexuality yet. Sexuality is fluid and you don’t even have to label yourself if you do not want to. So this is a really hard question to answer because I do not know your friend. It really depends on the type of person she is and her personality type. There are different things that you need to tell her here so I think we need to untangle them first.
The first thing you want to tell her is that you are not straight. Then if you chose, you can tell her that you like her more than a best friend. So you can tell her nothing, you can tell her both, or just one. Either way, it is your choice and your choice only. No one else should tell you what you should and should not do in this sort of case senario. So back to what I said earlier, I can not tell you what to do because I do not know this girl. You really have to decide for yourself how you think she will take the news. There are all sorts of ways to come out to a person. For me, I chose to do it a humorous way with my mom. With my dad, I did it really nonchalantly. I sent him a text like, “Hey dad. How are you? Im gay. Whats up with you today?” and he took that well. So you really know have to know your friend and what would go best with her. I wouldn’t be too worried that she would think those things meant more than what they did. I mean, unless you tell her they did or she took it that way. But you can explain to her that they did not mean more than that. If she takes the news well, then you can decide from there whether or not to tell her about your feelings for her. I will tell you that letting feelings fester for too long isn’t good. It will get to the point where you will explode, just like with any other emotion. So I wouldn’t hold them in forever. As for the timing, I don’t think there is a best time or a worst time to tell someone that. Theres always going to be stressors in your life and her life. So finding the right time could prove to be difficult.
Like you said, it is eating away at you. That is not a good feeling. So it sounds like the best thing to do would be to get all of your feelings out one way or another. Even if you don’t tell her first, telling another friend, parent, trusted adult, etc can also be helpful.
- 11:39 pm
- 1 note
Q: Hi, this is really weird. But today I was walking down the sidewalk and when I looked down at my shadow I noticed there was a sort of circular rainbow around the shadow of my head. Nobody else could see it... Am I going insane?
So that isn’t weird at all. A lot of the time there are random light things that happen. I wouldn’t think too much about it. I have dozens of pictures and times of when I saw something odd. So like I said, I really wouldn’t think too much about it. It really could be anything. A headband someone was wearing, light from someones house, the way the sun was, etc. If this is constantly happening to you and it is really freaking you out, you can talk to someone about it. Maybe just go to a close friend or family member and say something simple like, “Hey, I noticed ___ happening to me and I find it odd. Can you talk through it with me?” Like I said, I really do not think you are going insane. Try to calm yourself down and use rational thoughts to ground yourself when you feel your mind getting paranoid.
And even if there is something going on, it does not make you crazy or insane. People have their problems and that doesn’t make them insane. You are a human being. You are a person. And whatever is affecting you is not what you are. It is just something that happens to affect you.
- 11:38 pm
Q: Can someone please get on the live chat?
I’ll ask for someone to hop online now for you!
- 11:32 pm
- 1 note
Q: I threw out my blades about a month ago, but i've still been struggling with thoughts of cutting. Yesterday I was packing for a school trip and found a swiss army knife in my closet. I'm so tempted to use it. what should i do? - L
I’m really proud of you for throwing your blades out! That’s a bit step to take, and it’s a hard one, and I hope that you’re proud of yourself for taking that step too. It’s natural that in recovery, you’ll have urges to self harm still. What I encourage you to do is firstly, move the knife away somewhere that you can’t see it so that you’re less tempted. If possible, give it to someone that you trust, and let them know that you just want them to hold onto it until you’re safe. I then want you to think back on all the reasons why you stopped self harming. What things have kept you going this month? What things are you striving for? I encourage you to take a look at our pages of Reasons to Not Harm, to see if they can also give you some help. Writing a list of reasons can be a really good idea, including negative consequences and all the positives from not harming yourself.
Something that I also recommend doing is using some Distractions and Alternatives. Distractions take your mind off the thoughts, whilst alternatives give you a way to feel that release without hurting yourself. So try out some of those, and see if they can help you through these thoughts. There are also Helplines and Web Counsellors that you can contact (which can also serve as a distraction and alternative), which I encourage you to consider. They can talk you through these feelings, and find ways to help you through this safely.
- 11:27 pm
- 4 notes
So I met this boy online who is a bit older than me (I’m 17 and he’s 25), who actually turned out to live about 1 1/2 hours from me (A bad decision I know, but I wanted to meet new people because I felt lonely). But we texted and the conversations got a bit dirtier and ruder. At first he wanted to meet me but I was a bit reluctant and would only want to meet him during the day and in a place where it was broad daylight, because he would only ever want to meet at evening times and I don’t know why.. He then started asking me for pictures of me naked/semi-naked and it made me feel really awkward because I didn’t want it spread everywhere over the internet, but he didn’t respect that and he didn’t take no for an answer, so he kept texting me and asking for sex or photos. I ended up just not replying and so he realised that I didn’t want to do anything with him so he asked me to delete his number. We argued the other day because I told him that I didn’t feel like he respected me when I said ‘no’ and I felt like his sex life was more important than understanding people and feelings. Finally we agreed to delete each other’s numbers. He just texted me again today asking to meet him for sex (I recognised his number). I never have done and I never will do but I just feel so shit because he hasn’t respected me and he just hasn’t done as I’ve asked politely before (delete my number). At first I thought he was genuinely nice but now it’s just sex he wants basically. I just don’t know what to do, like he just doesn’t seem to back down and take ‘no’ as an answer. I’m so scared of telling people because of how they’ll react. But I want to do something about it because it’s annoying me, it’s driving my anxiety crazy…
Hey there Sweetheart xo
I’m so proud of you for standing your ground and respecting yourself. Sometimes it’s hard when someone is really pressuring you to do something such as send nude or semi-nude pictures of you, especially if you’re already feeling lonely. The most important thing to remember is that he will never love you any more just because you sent him a compromising picture of yourself, and if he says he will then he’s a slime ball who isn’t worth your time!
I would suggest that you try to have him blocked from contacting you. Iphones have a feature that you can add a number to the list and they’re block from contacting you – I’m not sure how other phones work, maybe someone else can help us out here? To do this you go into Settings > Phone > Blocked> Add New and then select his number from your contacts.If you can’t do that then I would suggest contacting your provider (if you’re able to) and have them block his number from contacting you.
Something else you could consider – if you’re up for it- is contacting your local police station. In this instance your parents would have to become involved. Because he’s an adult and you’re a minor he can get into a lot of trouble for even suggesting you send these kinds of images to him and he can also get into trouble for harassing a minor, especially if he’s being sexually inappropriate.
You don’t need that kind of person in your life my love. You are worth so much more than a nasty boy, especially someone who makes you feel cheap and nasty.
- 11:16 pm
- 3 notes
Hey there was a girl (i think) who said she was eating the skin on her feet, I think it was a few days ago. I wanted to say it does have a name, Dermatophagia. Generally its in the same family as people who have some kind of OCD or OCPD and anxiety, and is similar to Dermatillomania, or Trich :)
For the anon talking about eating skin.
Thank you, lovely, that is indeed the name of it. It can be part of the disorders that you’ve listed, and I hope that the anon seeks their doctors help if they’d like that further support to find a cause, and treatment.
- 10:43 pm
- 2 notes
Q: If I didn't feel so depersonalized all the time I would literally be so happy. I love nature and being outside and hanging with my friends and just doing things. When my DP isn't too bad you can tell how happy I am. But when it starts to get bad I just get quiet and it seems like I'm in a bad mood. I think if I take anti depressants it will help. Because i know if I could just be happy in general I wouldn't feel so detached and out of it all the time. I hope I'm making sense, I'm sorry if im not
Depersonalization can be an awful feeling, and I’m sorry you have to deal with it, but you’re doing so well. I’m glad you’ve recognized your problem and are looking for a means of taking care of it. However, anti depressant medication is a matter that you should really take up with your doctor. You should schedule an appointment with your family doctor as soon as possible to see what they recommend for you.
In the meantime, you should go to our page on grounding techniques. It’s got plenty of suggestions to get you back to yourself, so to speak. For instance, when your depersonalization acts up, try repeating to yourself, “My name is ___, I am ___ years old, and I live at ___. I am safe, and I am going to be okay.” You could also look around you and try to name the things that you see; list off all of the months, elements on the periodical table of elements, dog breeds, or any other categories of things you remember; repeat your favorite song lyrics to yourself. Really, what you’re trying to do is reorient yourself in the situation.
I wish you all the best, lovely, and I know you can beat this!
Lots of love,
- 10:33 pm
Q: My counselor keeps saying that I might have bipolar disorder, and it scares me - and doesn't make much sense? I take care to be emotionally controlled, and I don't lash out in anger much - especially not more than the typical person - and I'm especially not more depressed than the average person. It really scares me because I've been on medicine before and it only hurt me, and I really fear going back on it... and it scares me for something to be wrong with me? When I'm just me? Help?
Have you voiced this concern with your therapist? I think it’s important that if you’re worried you could be misdiagnosed and put on the wrong meds that you talk to your counselor about it. I’d ask him/her why they think you might be bipolar. It’s possible that maybe they see something that you don’t, or something you don’t think is important/pertinent.
There are a lot of different types of bipolar disorder. There’s Bipolar I, which is probably the most severe form of bipolar disorder and probably the most well-known. People with Bipolar I cycle between severe depressions and full blown manic episodes, a lot of the time resulting in hospitalizations. Severe mania can result in psychosis, which is the clinical term used when a person looses touch with reality. Depression has to last at least 2 weeks while mania has to last at least 1.
There is Bipolar II, a lesser form of bipolar disorder that still experiences severe depression, but the person experiences hypomania instead of full on mania. Hypomania is less severe and often goes unnoticed by everyone except the person experiencing it. It really just comes off as a person in an extremely good mood, or a very irritable mood. Hypomania isn’t severe enough to cause psychosis. Like Bipolar I, depression must last at least 2 weeks, but hypomania only has to last at least 4 days.
Then there’s cyclothymia, which is moderate-mild depression and hypomania. However, unlike Bipolar I and II, symptoms must have been present for at least 1 year for teens and 2 years for adults for a diagnosis. It’s probably the least severe kind of bipolar disorder, so if you’re feeling like your moods aren’t very severe, then it’s possible this is what you have (if you have a bipolar spectrum disorder at all).
Lastly is Bipolar Disorder NOS, which is the kind of catch-all term for a bipolar spectrum disorder that doesn’t fit the criteria for cyclothymia or Bipolar I/II disorders. Usually this is diagnosed when a person doesn’t meet enough criteria for the disorders, or their symptoms don’t last long enough.
It’s possible the last time you were on meds it was the wrong meds, because they were trying to treat the wrong thing in you. If they have that information from your prior medication stint, they will know what general things to avoid. Every mistake will bring them closer to the answer. It’s going to be ok, if they give you medication, take it. Give it time to work, because most meds need at least a week to kick in. If you still feel funny after a couple weeks then let your doctor know right away so you can get the proper treatment and care.
You don’t have to be afraid, my dear. Even if you do have a bipolar spectrum disorder, there is nothing “wrong” with you. Everyone has their struggles and obstacles they must overcome; this might be yours. It’s ok to be afraid, and it’s ok to not want a diagnosis. But the diagnosis does not define you. You are not your diagnosis; it’s only a small part of who you are. Diagnoses exist, really, just to give doctors and idea of the best ways to help you. It’s not to put you into a box and label you. They are there to help your doctors help you. It’s going to work out alright.
Best of luck buttercup,
- 10:10 pm
Q: Recently I have been really teary all the time and have such negative moods. I'm not upset or annoyed I am just apathetic to everything. Most evenings it gets worse and I SH because I feel so down and angry at myself. The wurst thing is I just don't feel like getting out the house anymore. I do sometimes because it's normal but I have no desire to and I don't even care if I don't see my boyfriend anymore. I used to really care but it's like I've lost interest in everything. Please tag Ash14
I’m sorry that you have negative moods all the time. Apathy is never fun, and keeps you from enjoying life. It’s good that you’ve pinpointed when it usually is the worst; that can be really useful in solving your problem. Do you know what it is about the evenings that make it worse? Maybe there’s a way that you can avoid certain stressors around the evenings and prevent yourself from attempting to self harm. Also, please go through our distractions and alternatives pages when you’re feeling this way. They’re great tools to keep your mind off of your urge to self harm.
Leaving the house can be stressful sometimes when it’s far more comfortable to sit at home, but everyone should get out every now and then. It’s good to get out, even if it doesn’t seem that great at the time. I know socializing isn’t really what you want to do, but it’s important that you don’t let yourself stay in your situation for too long.
I really recommend you to get help for this, lovely. Please talk to your doctor, a counselor, or another trusted person you can confide in about getting help, because it’s not great to feel this way and it’s not very healthy either. I wish you all the best, and hope that you can be on the road to recovery soon!
Lots of love,
- 10:06 pm
Q: Hey! Ok so I have BPD and I have a hard time with trust and abandonment issues in general and I was just cheated on in my past two relationships so that's still a bit raw but anyways, I'm seeing a new guy who's SO SWEET but his ex warned me that he had anger issues and was selfish and I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but it's hard. He also deals with some drug related things and I've had issues with that in the past. He never uses around me or urges me though idk what to do he's sweet
I’m sorry your last two relationships went sour, you deserve so much more than that and I’m glad you got out of both of those. People just suck sometimes and cheating is one of the suckier things people will do.
I’m glad you found a guy you’re into, that’s awesome! But anger issues and drug abuse? Not so awesome. Your safety is the most important thing above all else here. My suggestion is that you try being friends first before you enter into a relationship. Or, keep things very light and very casual. Nothing super intimate. Try to get a feel for who this guy is like as a person. If someone has already told you he has anger issues and is selfish, I’d be a little wary around this guy. Sometimes people can seem like they’re right for you, but once you get to know them you might get a lot more than you bargained for.
You can always ask other people who know him how they feel about him; things they’ve seen him do, things he’s done to them, etc. When you’re in the initial relationship love-fog (I call it the honeymoon phase), the person you’re crushing on seems perfect. Anything they do is just the bee’s knees. But this isn’t an accurate representation of who they are as a person, a lot of the time. So I’d highly recommend hanging back for a little bit and seeing how he behaves around you and around others until you really get to know him well.
The drug related issues worry me. There are a few things that need to be considered: what does he use? How frequently does he use it? How much of his time/money does using take up? How does he act when he’s on it? Does he want to stop? Is he willing to stop? In my opinion, you shouldn’t be around a person who uses and abuses drugs regularly. Regardless of how nice they are, it is not safe. This person could get himself (and you!) into some deep crap with the law, or with dealers. Certain drugs can increase levels of violence in a person, and if he has a reputation for being violent, that’s very bad news for you. Everyone has their struggles, and if he’s struggling with addiction, then he needs to get the proper care and treatment before trying to involve himself in a relationship. He’s got some things he needs to deal with first, it sounds like.
The main point is, if the guy has a bad reputation then he might be bad news, even if he’s nice to you now. You can never judge a person based off of only knowing them for a couple weeks; give it time, feel him out (figuratively), and if he seems stable, then I say go for it. Just stay safe.
Best of luck buttercup,